Hidden you

 I had a tiring weekend. I was at the lit fest. I want to write stuff that I jotted down in my notebook. I don't know when..

Do I really want to write? Why do I want to write and for whom do I want to write? I want to use writing as a medium to express. Same with painting. But I am lazy. I am not writing. Or drawing. Does that mean I am lazy? For now, yes. Maybe.

So what happens in these situations? There are a lot of questions in our heads. We encounter things. People. Experiences. But what do we do with all that? We have that want to share. We usually want to. With people. With faceless people. Nameless people. Unknown people. With ourselves. And how do we express and share? By talking. All forms. Texting. Chatting. Blah. Not often do we have people around us to talk. We tend to miss people. We begin to feel lonely. We feel ununderstood. Misunderstood. Helpless. Frantic in search of something and someone. That's when we resort to other forms of expression. Art. That's what most of us do. That's what we should do.

I guess eventually, after all the loneliness, boredom, depression strike us, there would be a state of calmness, equilibrium, peace where we find ourselves. And there would be that hidden artist, out of the shell. 

99 days

One lazy evening few months ago, I decided to sketch a bit in my nice tiny notebook. The one with yellowish handmade paper. I loved the black pens that I kind of took from my dad. He asked me if I would be using them. I was skeptical. But then I wanted them! I didn't know if I would use them ever, but I just said yes and put them in my luggage. And here I was, with the black pen and empty paper. Trying to draw. I had no clue what I wanted to draw. I just doodled a bit and was excited. I took some photos with my old phone.

I came across this blog where a lady drew for some 300+ days. Daily. And she posted the sketches online. Mostly pencil sketches. That's when I randomly decided to draw. For 99 days. Why 99? 9 is my favourite number and 100 is too cliche.

I used MS Excel to determine what would be the last day for the project. Well, it was my friend's idea. Obviously. Dec 18th it said. That's far. Super faaaar was what I thought. But then, one day at a time.

Slowly there was a theme  of sorts. I started drawing whatever inspired me on that particular day. It became this dear diary to me, but with pictures. I made my first tumblr blog. Uploaded them weekly. Learnt some editing techniques on picasa.

It was fun. I discovered myself in ways unknown to me earlier. My parents initially laughed it off. Because they felt that I used to draw much better when I was in 5th standard. I hardly got any feedback from friends. But he did remind me and would ask about my sketches, almost daily for reasons unknown.

Recently when amma was here, I was showing her pics of my latest sketches. And looks like she enjoyed. She really liked them. That meant a lot to me. I did get some feedback from Facebook friends. Not as much as I would have wanted.

Some of the questions that I encountered- Why did I do this? A lot of reasons. Did I plan this? Well, no. Will I do something about this? Maybe. Will I get anything out of this? Obviously. (Why would someone even ask me this question)

We are constantly losing our identity. Getting sucked into the corporate world. Falling prey to the materialistic pleasures in life. And one day, there you are, drinking and getting pained with life. Accusing life to be filled with boredom. Trying to find people to talk to.

If anything, I have learnt to be alone. I have learnt to enjoy my thoughts. I have learnt to keep my phone away and observe the sky and the roads and the traffic. I have learnt to lose myself and feel good about it.

Some small thing to connect to have that sense of belongingness. Some tiny thought to make you smile and feel good. One word to set you into that thinking mode. This is all you need. This is all I need. This is all we all need.

Here is the url-
upadhyaybindu.tumblr.com

Resolutions

Another year comes to an end bringing with it a ton of "top ten" lists. The year end reminds you of your resolutions. Well, remember all those things that you resolved for the new year 2014?

I am soon going to be an year older and probably a bit wiser. This year I am not going to have any new year resolutions. I never predicted 2014 to turn out this way. An international trip, a fundraiser, resigning from my first job, getting my "first pay cheque" for the second time- were some firsts.

I am not going to make any grand plans for my future. None of the well-thought-hundreds-of-hours-spent-in-thinking level five year plans. Why? I think planning to that extent kind of restricts you. It paves a path and forces you to see the route. You see far. Agreed. But do you see the alternate routes? And detours get painful as a lot of things tend to get connected.

What makes me write about this? Well, I saw a friend of mine setting goals for Dec. Pretty lofty goals. I was reminded of the days where I set those kind of goals. It brought upon me a lot of misery. I started feeling bad for not reaching them. I was feeling conscious as I might have mentioned those goals to some people around.

Goals are a way of keeping you motivated. But do we account for the peace of mind and freedom which is much much much needed these days. I read somewhere recently- We are human beings and not human doings. It hit me really hard.

This has been a crappy post. I hope to manage my time better after coming back from work, I need to find ways of spending time in the long bus ride to office and back. I need to.. I have to.. I should.. There goes the loop.

The decked journey

I always wanted to do this. Sit in a train. By the window side. Music and Zimlog. The scenery outside. The trees shooting through the clouds. The clouds attempting to overlap the blue sky. Clouds overshadowing their lesser mighty friends. Netted sunbeams dancing on the green stretches of grass. The stones on the sides. One over another. Heaped up. As high as a hill. A hill which has just stones. The railway tracks that were laid decades ago. Shiny and smooth. Strong. Today, it is not going to be about people. The people around me. People lost in music. People reading books. Multilingual. People munching on those airbags filled with crumbs of chips. It is not going to be about food either. The oily vegetable cutlets. The soggy curd rice. The plastic rolls containing water to gulp down the food.
What is it going to be about? Well, I don't know. I will just write. Write, as the thoughts play hide and seek in my head. Continue to write as they put me in contradictory positions. Write, as the thoughts vanish. Vanish- like the pen that you so fondly purchased. Write until it seems strange. Write, till the ideas seem distant. As distant as those friends you once played snake and ladders with.

***
"Hope you will be doing what you want to." I don't know what I want. I kind of know what I don't want. I knew I did not want to sit in a corporate at this point in my life. So I left. I am going elsewhere. If I had life figured out at 23, what would I do the rest of my life?

***
The decked journey. It is a double decker train. Triple, I would say. The world looks different from this height. Much different for a short person like me. Perspective.

***
"Life is beautiful" I said. I said that after a long long time, he pointed out. Well, really? I haven't had the time to pause and feel that life is beautiful. Thus I am leaving this lifestyle behind in search of that lifestyle where a pause exists. In search of what exactly? I don't know. I haven't figured it out yet. At the end of this journey, I guess I will figure out what I was looking for. Or rather, what I was not looking for. And then I will move on once again. Loaded with more memories. Souvenirs. Hopefully, lesser luggage. "After all, we are human beings and NOT human doings" said some article. An article that I recently opened in that newly launched browser feature in Facebook.

***
"Discover your own music. You will love it." Appreciating the bits and pieces. Lyrics and the chords. The tune. The journey of a song. The journey with a song.

***
This is a great journey. Layers of thoughts decked in my head. The decked journey.

People and Philosophy

 " Philosophy like most other subjects, does not try to extend our knowledge by discovering new information about the world. Instead it tries to deepen our understanding through rumination on what is already closest to us. The experiences, thoughts, concepts, and activities that make up our lives but that ordinarily escape our notice precisely because they are so familiar"
Read this somewhere. (You could look up the source, if enthu. )

Once I shared those lines with some friends, I also learnt about this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Getting_to_Philosophy

This sets up the context for what I have been going through for sometime now. Things which I had taken for granted when in college. In insti, I could just go to any friend and start a discussion about any topic under the sun, well, above as well. But you get it. I could just barge into someones room and listen to the ongoing arguments while munching home food. One could lazily sit in the canteen or CCD and overhear wild ideas spinning off! Such was the company of friends and foes :)

Post college, there was this long vacation before I got to work. It was a nice break where I did not have to think about courses or electives or responsibilities or paying mess fees. I kind of switched off and gave my head some much needed rest (and rust), I guess.

Once I got to Bangalore, I kind of struggled to keep this balance. The balance in the interactions with people around. The intellectual balance.
I struggled to find some space to run. I struggled to find some breathing space. The bright neon lights from the 8th floor office pantry did not help me much in this regard. Though this later led to meeting interesting people.

But people! People are a lot more than their weird beards, boring spectacle frames, heavy black helmets that they carry along, gelled hair, oversized jackets or dimples. Being a newbie at work, it did take some time for me to see and talk to people around me. The coffee breaks sans coffee exposed me to history, cultures, music from 70's, Socrates(?) and a lot more things which aren't right now on my mind. These made me feel alive and also made me miss the company of some of my insti friends.

These were three good months in Bangalore and I am sure I will miss some people. Oh yes, I resigned from my current job. 

Featured on YourStory.com!

Below is the article that has been written by a journalist from yourstory. Yes, they featured me!

‘I have been running barefoot for the past 7 months. I completed Spirit of Wipro Half marathon barefoot. The next also should hopefully be done that way.‘

Bindu Upadhyay is an ambitious girl. Her love for running has been with her for a very long time, and is an important part of who she is. When at IIT Madras, Upadhyay was part of a running group called the Forest Gumps. The activity is so ingrained in her, this time around, she decided she was going to run for more than a personal desire.

Upadhyay’s latest campaign is to raise funds for children in rural Tamil Nadu, so they may have access to better quality education.

For anyone daunted by the thought of marathons, Upadhyay laughingly says, ‘You know, if you see me, you won’t think I run marathons. I’m quite chubby. Running is about fitness and stamina, so you don’t have to be thin or anything for it.’

Upadhyay’s ran half marathons in quite a few major cities in India, but Bangalore seems to be her favourite destination. ‘There are a lot of training runs in Bangalore, and it’s a very great place to have them. It’s very active,’ she says.

Over the next two months, Upadhyay hopes to raise Rs 150,000 for this cause. She’s already raised a cool Rs 66,595. Her inspiration to be part of this campaign began with her interaction with Eureka Child Foundations, the organisation that’ll receive the charity. Concerned by the low levels of education in rural Tamil Nadu, Upadhyay believed children, who we see selling cheap products on the street, should, instead, be gaining valuable knowledge in schools, so they may one day have a future of their own.

On September 21, Upadhyay completed the Spirit of Wipro Marathon. The Bengaluru Marathon is scheduled to take place on October 19th, followed by The Wipro Chennai Marathon on December 7th.

When asked why this was important to her, Upadhyay says, ‘I am someone who really believes in health and fitness. I feel that people should make an effort to be healthy, because it’s important to lead a healthy life. Also, I’m very passionate about spreading awareness about education for these children who are working on the streets instead of studying in schools.‘

Upadhyay’s concern for health and fitness also began when her doctor diagnosed her with a thyroid imbalance. She started with running short distances of 200 metres that would leave her exhausted. It dawned on her how out of shape she was, and probably, how out of shape everyone else must be, too, when they’re used to this modern-day sedentary lifestyle.

After two years of training, Upadhyay’s completed eight 10K runs and five half marathons of 21.1 kilometres. She believes running, or any kind of healthy activity, keeps the mind healthy and functioning much better, even at a creative level.

Not everyone gets to turn their passion into a cause, but that’s just what Upadhyay has done, whether it’s running, her passion for fitness or actively helping in bringing education to those who are too under-privileged to access it themselves. If there’s any advice, then it’s just one that Upadhyay wants to give to those interested in her story: Just lace up and go run! ... read more on her.yourstory.com


http://her.yourstory.com/bindu-upadhyay-marathon-1001

99 days

So I decided to sketch and ramble for 99 days. This is my attempt to get back to good old hobby- painting.

I have put up all my sketches here- upadhyaybindu.tumblr.com
Numbered them from 99 as reverse counting helps! :)

Most of them are directly drawn in my tiny book with a black pen. I spend around 3 minutes to sketch. Maybe some extra time on Picasa to crop, edit etc. They are inspired by things that happen during the day or random thoughts that tend to settle in my head. I intend to dedicate all these 99 to people. *Project under construction*
I hope to pick up some digital tools soon. Any suggestions/tutorials?

I am excited to take this up for October- http://inktober.com/
Time to get an ink pen and another sketch book as well! :) #Inktober

I have written stuff in Zimlog- My journal. (Zim Wiki is awesome! http://zim-wiki.org/)
Nothing great on this front. The usual "TIL" and "What-I-did-today" stuff. Hopefully this evolves into something better.

If you have any such ideas, let me know! Maybe we can collaborate.

Meanwhile, here is one such sketch-

Once you cross that finish line

The endless, quiet roadways, shaded by outstretched branches of trees, have always inspired runners in insti, and a lot of people talk about how running feels good, both mentally and physically. Three years back, I would have had trouble believing it. I was diagnosed with thyroid and I still remember the first time I attempted to run. I managed to cover about 200 m, and was exhausted by the time I reached the stadium from GC! But from then, I began to run laps in the stadium, with motivation from our very own Half Ironman, Rudra ‘GPS’ Naik, and things improved with time. One day, my faculty advisor called us to his office and told us about the 2011 Marg Chennai Runners Half Marathon and 10K to be held in November at IITM. We signed up enthusiastically and managed to drag ourselves to the start line.

As they say, once you cross that finish line, you would have changed your life forever.

I started training regularly from August 2012 and continued to do so when I was in Bangalore for six months of 2013. Since then, I have completed eight 10K runs and four half marathons (21.1 km), thanks to the encouragement by my friends at Chennai Runners. The first time, I wondered whether the little training I did would suffice, but as I was running with my friend, I was very enthusiastic and positive about finishing.

Over time, I have fallen in love with running. It is a way of life for me. I enjoy my runs to the core; it’s not just a sport for me. I’ve even cracked some assignments and puzzles while running. It is a stress-buster, and every run is a learning experience. It is also my way of giving back to society by running to  raise funds for NGOs that are working towards improving primary education.

I run 3-4 times a week and I aspire to be more disciplined with my training. For the past 7 months, I have been running barefoot — there’s something about feeling the ground under your feet while running. However, one has to exercise caution: while it can fix issues with one’s running form, it can also lead to injuries if one is not attentive.

How the Forest Gumps became the IITM Runners Club

The group that trained for Pinkathon to raise breast cancer awareness – March 2014.

The club began in 2011, while we were training for the MARG Chennai Runners Half Marathon and 10k. We were a small group that met to run on campus every Saturday from 6:15 am. The club was coordinated by Adhokshaj Bellurkar, an alumnus who was then a Dual Degree student in Mechanical Engineering. He was one among the many who discovered — or reignited — their passion for running after joining IITM. He also began a Facebook group for the running enthusiasts of IITM — aptly named ‘Forest Gumps’. Information regarding Saturday morning runs would be posted there, and he even offered wake-up calls for those who wished to join. (Gathering a group of people to run on Saturday mornings is difficult!) Many of these people started from scratch and have gone ahead to complete half and full marathons. We also had 8-9 people gathering and running during the evenings as well. All it took to regularly gather this motley group of runners three days a week was a Facebook group and some enthusiastic runners to spread word.

What I love the most during our group runs is the conversation. We chit-chat and stretch together before the run. The faster runners usually go ahead and I stick with the beginners, if any. Running in a group is fun; it gives you a chance to push your limits.

Insti junta from four batches meet after TCS 10k at Bangalore. From left to right: Adhokshaj ( ME 07-12), Nagendra (CS 06-11), Lohit (NA-08-12), Bindu (ED- 09-14), Naga Jyothi (ME 07-12) and Aravind,Comrades finisher

After Adhokshaj graduated in 2012, I began to coordinate the runs with Prof. Preeti Aghalayam. In August 2012, we decided to formalise these runs and the Forest Gumps became the IITM Runners Club. All through August to November 2012, we had a lot of these morning and evening training runs. We sent smails in an attempt to reach more people, and organised three campus-wide runs during this time. The first one was open to all on campus and it saw an exceptional turnout — no less than 120 people for a fun 5k run. We had post-run refreshments and gifts for all the participants. The second one was organised in coordination with Mitr, which was generous enough to give a lot of prizes, and the third was held specially for research scholars. We also attempted to get more girls into running by offering free registration for a Women’s Day run in IITM, but it was disheartening to see very few of them turn up.

For Wannabe Runners

If you are a newbie and would like to get some ‘fundaes’, here’s what I would say: just lace up and go run. Start slow. Maintain a pace at which you can have a conversation without losing your breath. Don’t over-train. If needed, you may carry a small water bottle to keep yourself hydrated. I started with the run-walk method. It was helpful to gradually build my stamina without injuries. A lot of people complain about injuries due to which they stop running. If that’s the case, I’d advise you to strengthen, get fit and gain confidence.

Most importantly, lose all inhibitions and don’t get intimidated. We have all started out as beginners. If motivation is what you are lacking, there are a lot of inspiring stories and people out there to keep you going! Sign up for a race and train for it.

Running can be that component which you feel might be missing in your life. It can push you to have those adventures you always wanted. It can bring a whole new perspective to your life. You meet new people. You hear very inspiring stories. You get awesome medals!

Insti is one of the most sought-after places to run, be it for the greenery, lack of annoying traffic or those clean roads. After running outside insti for six months during my internship, I realized this the hard way. But I am glad I made the most out of it in my final year, and I suggest you do too–there are a lot of Gumps on campus who are very enthusiastic to help you get started.

Feel free to ping me if you have any queries, and hope to run with you sometime!

P.S- This article was published in our campus magazine- http://t5e.iitm.ac.in/2014/08/once-you-cross-that-finish-line/